July 27, 2021
I know not what makes or unmakes me
I turn to life for answers
It calmly sweeps a whisper
For God made you
But fear and anxiety
Crushed the edifice
Of what was endowed
The notion of fear penetrating every sense of my belief is perplexing but restores itself beamingly in the centre of the chest. At times, fear provides a sheltering carapace from a deluge of overpowering emotions but a continuous affirmation of it residing engenders a pantheon of sensations, progressing to leave me behind of my own genuinity.
The unattended fear coercers me to walk together, and as I loom over it to accept its existence, I feel betrayed of my individuality. Suddenly, I am overwhelmed with a thumping heartbeat, perspiration of tiny droplets and a walnut of obstinate thoughts firmly rested. I ask it to leave my abode. It denies and I start living with it. It assesses my actions, aggrandizing into a lofty trail of obsessive thoughts, leaving me not!!
In the midst of my falling off and coming back to the grind, I feel like having a cup of scalding coffee. I ensconce myself in a comfortable chair at a well-groomed café, imperceptibly tutored by my mind to challenge if the coffee holds any grievance towards me. The café is good, the coffee looks desirable but my intentions are somewhat awry. My fears pummel me if the coffee has been brewed with clean hands or the cup is properly washed. To ward off my fears, I repeatedly address my concerns to the person responsible for making the coffee. The thoughts, debilitating enough, are likely to ruin my coffee experience.
The terminology used for such a fatiguing behaviour is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It’s an anxiety disorder that compels a person to have repetitive thoughts or perform the same task many times. Anxiety also manifest in the form of Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Attacks, Social Phobia and IBS. Unenchanting it may sound; anxiety is the chicanery of the mind to create impulses capable of obliterating the logical, emotional and analytical equilibrium. These impulses are attributed to low serotonin levels in the brain. Serotonin, a feel good hormone, is released inefficiently causing anxiety and depression.
Anxiety is not a disease. It is a response to a stimulus, whose actions are not agreeable to our set of idiosyncrasies. When we get emotionally or mentally outraged by the unresolved desires, perceptions and beliefs, occurring frequently over a period of time, we tend to experience fear and anxiety. It’s a nodule not easily suppressed.
My fear, your fear…..They live to incapacitate all of us of our soul and spirit.
The next blog will deal with how anxiety affects us mentally and physically.